Baseball Diaries
by Handsome Awkward
Summary: December 12th brings back old memories for House. Hard to explain. 'Tis a sad story. HW FRIENDSHIP hurtcomfort but not really...Edited...read A/N on the first chapter if you've read the story before- if not then it doesn't really matter now does it?
1. Confessions

**A/N: so here is the deal. I had to do a lot of thinking so I could update this story and I wanted it to make sense. So I edited it a bit, not enough to where you would have to reread the entire story but enough to where it satisfies me. **

**Here are the changes. Katie was born in 1997 making her ten now but nine in 2007. this story is set in season 3. If you weren't worried about that- the technical information- then you didn't even have to read this but I just felt the story needed to be clarified. I reread it myself and was actually confused. Heh. Anyway, the third chapter will be up soon.**

**December 12, 2005-**

This was bad.

Really bad.

Apocalyptic bad.

I was in the car the whole time. The entire time! One wrong turn…One misstep and now I'm here. Lost.

In the woods. Scratched up. Bleeding. Her arm was surely broken. The impact of the dash when they went into the tree…

The car was totaled. She told me to stay close by and I didn't listen.

_'Clean up you're room. Do the dishes. Vacuum the floor. Dust this or that…'_ You don't listen to that, stupid girl, it's not life or death. You won't die if your room has a line of ants trying to get crumbs. You won't die if the dishes have to be scraped of the residue. Why do you not listen? What is wrong with you?

The feeling was unbearable. Bugs biting and stinging, the wind starting to pick up, and the noises…Dear God the noises. The screaming from birds, animals growling, the sound of thunder far, far away. No contact to the world outside of the woods. Forest. This was more dangerous then the woods…it seemed evil or…deadly.

Five minutes of panic. Major panic. Heart thrumming, head aching, agonizing panic. Five minutes turned into one hour. And now here she was standing in the middle of an unknown area. This was not a mall. When you get lost in a mall people are all around you, all you have to do is ask. If you ask, and you are a little girl people will try their damnedest to help you. If you were a little girl anyone with brains would do anything in their power to get you out alive.

But not in the forest. No, in the evil, deadly forest no one was around you. People were millions of miles away. (Or so she felt).

She'd be surprised to know that no one knew she was gone though. Her mother was still talking to the police trying to get all the 'adult' stuff figured out. It was just a trip. Christmas with her dad. That's it. Stupid girl…she's not even the kind of person who comes to the woods. She's the girl who plays with Barbie's and makes them live in a beautiful plastic beach house with her beautiful Ken doll and her little plastic children. The girl that puts makeup on and makes her self look pretty on purpose. The kind of girl that made her gag.

Katie wasn't like that. Of course, she was a girl but she never owned a Barbie doll. Hated them in fact. She had a baseball mitt and a bat. She didn't have a ball anymore, her dog chewed it to pieces, but she had rocks at her house in Michigan. That's what she hit. The rocks. She hit well for a seven-year-old girl. Boys would practically beg her to play with them. Sometimes the older guys wouldn't swallow their pride enough to get her on their team even though they knew she was a fantastic player and she could run faster then any of them.

But this wasn't Morgan Park. This wasn't in a grassy field and there weren't any boys around. There wasn't a small audience of parents smiling with pride as their children ran in a diamond and tried to catch balls. This wasn't Michigan. This was New Hampshire…or maybe it was Maine. Who knew any more? How long had she been walking? An hour. (Not that she knew that.)

It felt like days. Or more like weeks. Even though in reality it was only noon it felt like she had been there for days.

She was going to die. Die alone in the woods with a broken arm and bruised up body. She was probably going to get eaten alive as she lay halfway unconscious from blood loss.

What was wrong with her? Why was she so pessimistic about everything? She wasn't going to die by getting eaten…she would die WAY before then.

This had to get better. You see it everyday. 'Child gone missing' then only weeks later 'Missing child found.' She was going to get found. A stupid little child is going to be found. Yep.

--

**-December 12, 2007-**

"You know where House is?" Cuddy asked in mid-stride next to Wilson.

"No. I haven't talked to him today. Or seen him." Wilson was preoccupied with the files in his hand.

"Well, could you call him? He hasn't called in sick or anything and I don't have anyone to cover in the clinic. Tell him to get his ass down here or else." She stated walking away from him in long frustrated steps.

"No problem." He shouted closing the folder and pressing the 'up' button on the elevator and stepped in. He smiled at the other passengers and nodded toward them.

Once the doors to the elevator opened he pulled out his cell phone and hit 3 on the speed dial. It rang three times before he was clicked over to the answering machine. He rolled his eyes at the message that seemed to always come on. 'The number you have reached has been disconnected…blah blah blah…"

"House, I know you're at home, because you are not here and you have no other friends. Just call me and tell my why you didn't show up to work…"

He was satisfied that House would eventually call him so he hung up his phone and walked into his office tossing the file like a Frisbee on to his desk. He sat down in the cushioned chair and stared at the wall slightly disturbed that his friend was not at work and he wouldn't answer the phone. The last time that that had happened he had found House was lying on his floor with vomit on his face and was close to a coma.

He felt a cold chill run through him at the memory and decided to go check on him.

He told the nurse outside the door that he was going out and headed toward the elevators again. The walk to his car seemed to take forever but once he got to it he practically jumped in. Adrenaline was running through him now. He didn't know why.

House really wouldn't do that again would he? He has no reason to…I mean…he MAY not have a reason to. There's no way he would do that again.

The drive seemed even longer then the walk. He put his turning signal on for the last time and pulled into a spot that was open and close to House's apartment building. He walked up to the door and let himself in. Once inside he made his way down the hallway and to House's apartment. He raised his hand to knock on the door but heard a muffled giggle through it. It sounded like a little girl. His eyebrows rose and he pressed his face closer to the wood. He heard a man's voice and then the little girl burst into laughter. Soon the deep male voice joined.

Wilson carefully opened the unlocked door and tried his best not to make a sound. He thrust his head through the crack of the door and peeked in. What he expected to see was completely different from what he actually saw.

House was watching the television intently. Right now, all Wilson could see was a room that was tilted at an odd angle due to the camera being flipped. The camera started to move and finally the laughter died down and an all too familiar voice filled the room.

"Okay…if you really wanted to be a ballerina you can't be scared of publicity."

"I don't want to be on camera daddy!" The faceless little girl shouted.

Wilson's eyes widened.

"Oh come on. All you have to do is pose. That one-step…what is it? First position? Do that and like…curtsy or whatever." The chuckle behind the voice made Wilson smile slightly at how little his friend knew about ballet.

"Fine. But only because you're giving me ice-cream." The little girl compromised.

"No one said anything about ice cream." The camera panned in on the little girl and Wilson finally saw who she was. She had light brown hair and big blue eyes. The blue eyes rolled and he heard the man scoff, "Fine. You can have ice cream." The girl's smile was thin and Wilson couldn't believe what he was seeing. The girl was nearly the spitting image of House.

Wilson stepped in and shut the door with an accidental loud click. House nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard the noise. He switched off the television as quick as he could and brought his arm to his face, (Wilson assumed to wipe the tears.)

"What was that?" Wilson asked gently.

"Nothing." Came House's quite hiss.

He got up and headed toward the kitchen.

"House." Wilson's voice was a whisper now.

"It was nothing. Forget it ever happened. Forget you saw it and go on your merry little way back to the hospital. Lick Cuddy's ass or something…I don't want to hear it." His back was turned to him and he was throwing meat on bread furiously trying to make a sandwich. Wilson could see his hands shaking in anger. "This is my day off, I don't want to be bothered."

"Who was that?" Wilson kept pushing. He ignored House's anger toward him and tried to get answers.

He slammed the butter knife he was spreading the mayonnaise on then onto the counter and turned to him with fire in his eyes, "I just fucking told you!" His voice lowered at the shock on Wilson's face, "it was nothing."

"Just talk to me House, it's not that big a deal, and if it is a big deal I won't tell anyone. I won't pity you or show any sympathy or…"

"You will, and I just, I want to be alone right now." He was quiet after that. He stopped making the sandwich and he stopped moving all together. His hands braced the sides of the island in the middle of the kitchen and he was silent.

It seemed like hours later when Wilson actually heard his voice, it was hoarse and quiet, "She was only seven."

"In the video?" Wilson asked confused.

"When she…she died." He looked down at his hands and took a deep breath.

"Oh…uh…wow." He was having trouble not showing any feelings, "What happened?" His voice was so small it was barely audible.

"I don't want to talk about it okay? I just…I just want to be alone." His voice was filled with reluctance and regret.

Wilson sat down on the stool that was placed haphazardly beside the island. "You can trust me, you know that right?" He asked staring at his friend.

"It was a car accident. Her mom was bringing her to New Jersey for an early Christmas with me. I didn't get to see her much. Evidently a car came into the other lane and Jackie swerved so she wouldn't hit it and they hit a tree. No one was hurt too bad but Katie left the site. Jackie didn't see her leave. Search parties, police, ambulances, fire trucks, everything…no one found her, months of looking, searching…no one found her. They all assumed she was dead and so did I." The story seemed to take something out of him. He was pale and slightly shaking. "I didn't want to think it. I let her down, I let her mom down…I let myself down. I should have found her…I should have been there and I should…have…I…"

Wilson rushed over to his friend and put his arms around him in a hug. It felt surreal, they'd never hugged before, albeit House wasn't returning it, but he was refusing it either. It seemed as though he got sense back into him because he pulled away and looked at Wilson dangerously, "No sympathy." He whispered and limped to the living room. Wilson stood up and watched House painfully limp to the door. He opened it with rage and pointed toward the hallway. "Get out." He stated quietly.

Wilson's face contorted into confusion. "What?"

"I said, get out. Now, leave. I didn't want to talk about and I did and that's what you wanted so get out!"

Wilson's mouth was open in shock and he quickly left the apartment grabbing his coat and keys on the way out.

TBC? If you like it…


	2. Video tapes

December 12, 2005- 8:00 PM 

The howling winds picked up at around eight. She didn't know the time but she knew she felt exhausted. Her legs were aching with every step she took, her bones rattled in the cold wind, one of her eyes was swollen nearly shut from a bee sting, and she had a miserable headache. She decided to sit down under a large brush since she had been walking a majority of the day.

For some odd reason she had forgotten about the weight on her back. She pulled the offending bag into her lap and opened it with fidgeting fingers. She carried EVERYTHING in the bag. (Everything a seven-year-old would have anyway) Her camera! The same camera her dad bought her for her ballet recital. He showed her how to use it, let her film him, and even watched some of her 'movies' with her.

But enough about him. You can't think about him. You'll start crying again and won't ever be able to stop. He always said something about dehydration. That would happen to you. You'll dehydrate and die. Don't think about Mommy or Daddy.

She pulled out the camera and hit the small red button the side of the large, heavy thing. She heard a whirring noise and thought it was broken but it stopped and she smiled gratefully and looked toward the sky to nod her appreciation.

To say she believed in God was something she never really thought about. Sure she figured there was something out there keeping everyone from being squashed (but wasn't she a little young to think about philosophical questions like that?). It was hard to explain and she didn't want to go into too much depth thinking about 'what if'.

She put her face against the eyepiece and looked at the woods through the view of a camera. It was dark. Too dark to make very much out…but you sure could hear things well through the expensive piece of equipment. She turned the camera around to where it was recording her face.

"I know this is stupid and probably pointless but I feel like I need to do it. It's my only communication to the world outside of the woods. I'm sorry mommy. I shouldn't have walked away from the car. You told me not to and I did anyway. It was a horrible time not to listen to you and I regret it. Regret's the right word…right?

"I'm fine mommy…I will try my best to remember everything you told me about the woods. Remember when we went hiking in Michigan. Up at the Trent trail? This is different from a hiking trail…but I think I may be able to handle it.

I'm so sorry mommy. I love you.

I'm hurt but I'm not going to complain daddy. You said it yourself, the clinic patients come in and are always babies…they whine and groan and act like…like seven-year-olds." She chuckled slightly and winced as pain wracked through her, "I'm not going to be a baby. I'm going to be strong daddy. I won't cry when I don't need to. I won't feel sorry for myself." She smiled at the camera, "I just realized that the idea of someone finding this is…retarded. But what if?" Her smile faltered.

"What if I didn't walk away to use the bathroom? What if we left when we said we were going to and we missed the tree completely? What if you and mommy would've stayed together and I didn't have to travel every year and never get to see you? What if I would've died on contact? What if you got me instead of mommy?

"I know you said its stupid to base your life on what ifs…but…its hard not to isn't daddy? I miss you. I feel sort of dumb about that because I haven't been gone for that long…you probably haven't even missed me yet. But…I love you." Tears were rolling down her face and she was practically sobbing.

She pushed the power button down and watched as the red light flickered off. Her head fell back against the tree trunk and she took in a shuddering breath to try to console herself.

--

-Same day… 12:00PM-

"Did you go to House's apartment?" Cuddy asked as she closed the door of Wilson's office.

"Yes." He said quietly as he put papers into files and files into cabinets.

"Was it a…Tritter type…"

"No." Wilson said quickly noting the relief that flooded through the Administrator. "He was…heartbroken."

Her confused look didn't surprise him. She was expecting him to be mocking toward the older man. The seriousness of the situation washed over her and made her even more aware at how tense this actually was.

"I shouldn't be telling you this." He said looking away from her gaze.

"James." She said sitting in front of him.

"He had a daughter."

Her eyes widened after a couple of seconds. "Had?"

"She was…in an accident. Seven years old evidently, the car ran into a tree and she supposedly left the site and wasn't seen since."

"Oh…my God."

"Don't tell House I told you…okay? Don't even hint it toward him. He kicked me out of his apartment and was so pissed off at me for making him open up about it. I've never seen him that mad before. Well, not toward me at least."

Cuddy was wide eyed and in awe at what she was just told. "I…don't believe it."

"Yeah, well, it happened." Wilson shook his head, "I can't believe he never told me before…you think that's why he-?"

"No…I mean…I wouldn't think so…he…" She couldn't finish what she was saying…her mind was racing. "Maybe we should talk to him?" She asked uncertainly.

"No, we can't. He's already pissed at just ME telling him. I don't want to do that to him. I don't want to see him the way he was. He needs to calm down and then…maybe we could…I don't know…get something out of him."

"This is…unbelievable. I just…House? With child?"

"Obviously it was before I was friends with him and before Stacy. I understand that he never told me I just don't get how I missed it."

"It's…completely…surreal." She frowned and shook her head. They both were in the same room but felt millions of miles away.

--

"Where do you think he is?" Cameron asked for the fourth time that day.

"Not here." Came Foreman's busied remark.

"He's not coming in Cameron…just get over it." Chase said staring at his crossword puzzle.

"You don't know that. He was late that time he got the bike. And that time he got arrested…"

"Well then maybe someone stole his bike and he got mad and a cop caught him, arrested him, and he wont ever be coming back." Foreman stated in a monotone.

"Maybe he woke up late and got on his bike, came to the hospital, walked through this door and said, 'what the hell are you guys talking about me for?'" House's dry sarcastic voice filled the room.

Chase cleared his throat and Cameron darted her eyes to the floor. Foreman smirked slightly.

"We got a case?" House asked throwing his jacket and backpack in the other office without a second glance.

"Nope. Everyone seems healthy today." Foreman said as he typed.

"Hmm. Not in the clinic I presume? Its hot so…heat stroke scares, paranoia of dehydration, soar throats from not drinking enough in the day, and my personal favorite…the always sick, snotty-nosed children. Yay!" He stated bored. House walked out of the office without another word and left the three to wonder.

Just as he left a black haired man with a blue suit came through the door swiftly.

"Is a," he looked down at his sheet of paper, "Dr. Gregory House here?"

"You just missed him, I can page him if you'd like."

"Thank you, but I'll just leave this for him." He sat the rectangle package on the glass conference table and left the office just as fast as he came in.

--

An hour of handing out lollipops to children with worrisome mothers, wiping genitals, sticking wooden sticks in people's throats, and one hundred tips on how to stay 'cool' when its 'hot' later, House was ready to take a break. He threw the last file on the nurses desk, grabbed a couple more lollipops and headed out of the clinic as fast as he could before seeing Cuddy. Unfortunately she was standing at the elevators with Wilson. He rolled his eyes and practically turned around.

Cuddy's eyes widened when she saw House limping out of the clinic.

"Wha-" Wilson was cut off by House pushing the button between the two of them. "What are you doing here?"

"Dancing. What the hell does it look like?" He stated falling back on the heels of his feet.

"You have the day off." Cuddy said with a sad look.

"You told her?" House said after a moment of staring at her expression.

"I-"

"You told her? Who else did you tell James?" His voice was filled with a coldness Wilson had never heard before.

He couldn't say anything. He had no excuse. He tried his best to come up with something but found a hand in front of his face.

"Save it, I don't want to hear it. Tell whomever the hell you want…that's all you fucking do right? Even if I actually put my ass out and trusted you for once. You…you can go to hell. And guess what?" He looked at Cuddy, "You can go with him."

TBC.

I just noticed that both of these chapters ended with a blow up by House…hmm.


	3. More

"House! House!" The elevator shut before either of them could get another word in. "Stairs." Wilson said mostly to himself and headed in that direction with Cuddy very nearly tripping over his heels.

--

"It's only been an hou-" Foreman started but was cut off by the cold, blue glare of House.

"Shut up." He said and slammed the door shut behind him.

Foreman's eyes widened and Cameron and Chase stared at him with amusement.

"Whatever, why don't you go in there and give him his package?" He asked looking at Cameron.

"Fine, I'll be right back." Her confident stance made Foreman roll his eyes.

She grabbed the package and knocked on his door. When she didn't get a reply she opened it quietly.

The office was dark, silent. She walked closer to his desk.

He turned around, "What do you want?" He practically shouted.

"A package-- it, it um, it came for you earlier today."

"Great. Thanks- when I die I'll surely leave my entire will to you."

She rolled her eyes, but said nothing. She sat down the package and left the room.

--

December 13, 2005 12:00AM

"It's really late now, I'm really sleepy, but I figured if I taped everything from now until when-if I'm found then you guys would appreciate it."

She found the gentle hum of the camera comforting.

"I can't wait until I get to see you again mommy. I really miss you even though it's only been a couple of hours." She smiled at how stupid she sounded, it was if she'd already been dead for years. "I feel like you guys think I'm dead. Well, I don't mean to hurt you…I'm really sorry, if I hadn't said that enough."

She sighed and leaned closer into the tree, shifting the camera.

"I think I broke my arm, but there's no need to worry about that. I think there are bigger things to worry about now. Someone once told me that I had a big vocabulary for a girl my age. That has nothing to do with anything but I just figured you guys would need something to be proud of. Instead of my gross sense of humor, my "bright" ideas, and my hard-headed decisions. I just want you to know that I'm alright and I have a feeling everything's going to be fine."

Though she didn't believe a word of what she said, she needed to know that if her parents got this, she had all the intensions of getting out of the woods, so to speak. She really had a feeling that something from the darkest shadows would come and gnaw on her until she felt every bone in her body crush and crumble in the jaws of the beast.

--

"House!" Wilson and Cuddy practically shattered the door to the conference room, gaining the attention of House's fellows.

"What's going on?" Foreman asked the frantic two.

"HOUSE!" Cuddy pulled open his door.

Wilson followed her to the door. They didn't go inside- to save themselves from another one of House's wraths.

"House, that was inexcusable."

"What was?" They all heard him yell, he pushed his way through the two, "The fact that I trusted you and you went behind my back to throw me under the bus."

"You have it all wron-"

"Or the fact that you told my boss! Or maybe that you decided I wasn't important enough to keep a secret. Is it that? Well if that's true then maybe everyone should know, huh?" He was screaming now. Red faced and popping veins.

"House, you should really calm down."

"I had a kid okay! But she's gone, dead, far, far away, no where to be found! She's been gone for two years and it's over. Okay? So get over it, stop trying to help- stop trying to be a savior…it's not any of your business! Understand?"

He was so angry he was shaking. Turning around with an unstable hand on his cane he walked out of the conference room and toward the elevators.

Their eyes widened and they were frozen to the spot.

--

House pulled himself laboriously up the last set of stairs to the roof and pulled open the door. The chilly winter air hit him like a brick wall, but savored in it. He ignored the pain in his leg and sat on the small brick wall separating him from a stable ground and a long fall. He looked down and was mesmerized by the tiny cars and even tinier people that littered the ground below him.

His fingers fished through his pocket and found his pill bottle. He stared at it for what seemed like hours before he held his hand over the edge. He watched as the orange bottle slipped from his fingers and into the night wind. It fell fast, only slowed down slightly as the wind pushed it at and angle. It bounced in a fleck of an orange particle and landed, invisible to him now.


End file.
